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How To Find Mr Right

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Conventional wisdom dictates that one should have a boyfriend first, then date and then get engaged and married. I broke all the rules. At age 22, I had never had a boyfriend. At 23, I was engaged!

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Seems like years ago when I was in college back in Nigeria. When I think of life back then, so many things have changed in so short a period of time that I have to remind myself it wasn't that long ago when I was a final year college student who was unmarried, unattached and 'unhooked' like some people called it then. I was 22years old and 'singly single'. Not in the sense of not been married only but I didn't have a boyfriend. In fact I'd never had any boyfriend in my life up till that point. Depending on your opinion or the culture you grew up in, not having a boyfriend ever at age 22 may or may not surprise you but it wasn't just my age. I was in my final year of college and where I'm from, that meant something: I was playing a game of "5/0".

What does playing a game of 5/0 mean? I'll explain. I attended a five year college and it was like an unspoken consensus among students then that if you spend your whole 5 years in school and don't get "hooked" with a prospective future partner, your chances of doing so outside school was very slim or at the very best you end up with someone you really don't know. It was believed that school offered the best opportunity to observe someone closely and know what they are really like. The outside world (meaning life after school), was believed to be a place where people put up their best appearances to find a spouse. So people who graduate without ever been 'attached' to someone were referred to as having played the 5/0 game. If you had a partner in your fourth year of school, good for you. It means you played 4/1, getting the point yet!

Such was the belief then that the race to win the 5/0 game was fun to watch every given year, except of course you were an active participant and hadn't yet caught your fish so to say. There would be nothing funny to you at all! Some referred to it as not a game but a "24- unit course " that you couldn't afford to fail.

As I approached my final semester in school, it became obvious that I was going to lose this 5/0 game. Not that I was playing a game really. The point was, whether or not you were aware or whether you didn't even care, there were always people watching and wondering what your fate will be. It's like having unknown spectators watching your every move.

Being someone who was passionate about relationships and marriages, I had been reading books about marriage since I was 17. I was fascinated by the fact that people who could be perfect strangers could one day love each other so much that they would want to spend the rest of their lives together. I was and still is a big believer of the institution of marriage and It was my desire to get married right after school and have a family. In the midst of life as a busy student, there were times I would think about my dreams and desires and my smart brain would do the math. "If I'm to get married early, courtship should probably last two years during which the person I'd be marrying and myself would have gotten good jobs right?" I'd think to myself." Ok...wait...when am I supposed to meet this dream guy? If I'm to meet my goals, shouldn't he already be in the picture now? Then the mind games would start, " Oh.. wait, what makes you think he will be in the picture any time soon? Hello, you're 22 and have never even had a boyfriend!...in your life!... not even a make-believe one."

Now I was fairly popular and had a good number of male and female friends. I had a number of female friends and one after the other they all got "attached" while I was still trying to figure this thing out. I didn't dwell on this all the time of course but having to do things alone that I'd normally do with my friends had a cruel way of reminding me that they are busy with their sweethearts and if something wasn't out of place by now, I should be with mine too. Wait...oh, yes, I didn't have one.

Not that no one ever showed interest in me, it was just that I wasn't about to get into a relationship for the sole purpose of not playing 5/0. I wasn't going to take someone else on a ride and use them just to pacify my own ego. As much as I wanted a relationship, I knew I could never live with my self If I made someone believe I had any interest in them when I really didn't. People asked questions, some wondered if I had a boyfriend in a different school. Others looked at my circle of male friends and got so confused trying to figure out which one I might be 'going with'.

Final year came and went. The clock had finally stopped. My class graduated, so did I, still unattached. May be I should say, I was attached, not to any man but to my confidence, good self-esteem and belief that as I treat the men around me with honor and respect, whether or not I knew them,the one God had prepared for me would show up. When people question me and simply wouldn't let me be, I'd tell them that I was going to marry a British guy and haven't met one yet. I wasn't really serious, I just wanted to say something they considered outrageous so they'd let me be.

Shortly after leaving school. I started preparing for the National Youth Service. A program for Nigerian college graduates where recent graduates are sent to different parts of the country to serve or give back to the society while been paid an allowance by the Federal Government for a period of 1year. I was home and waiting for my "posting letter" as we called it but still keeping in touch with my friends through phone. Over time, I found I was spending more time with one particular friend whom I wasn't really close with back in college but we said hi to each other from time to time.

We were members of the same unit at the Student Christian Fellowship we both attended. At the time, I thought he was a nice guy, not just the type I wanted to be married to someday. I thought he spent way too much time at the library and too intelligent if there was ever such a thing. Pretty ridiculous reasons right? Anyway, we were becoming great friends and having put my prejudice and assumptions behind, I was finding out just how fun this guy could be. He really was fun to talk to. We would talk and laugh for hours over the phone and it would only seem like 15minutes! Yes, I was in love! It wasn't just the fun and laughs though, I was blown away by the kind of respect he had for me and that he saw in me giftings that I wasn't very aware of.

A month later, I introduced him to my dad and 11months after that, we were engaged. Two years later we were married! We had a lot of friends in common and they simply couldn't believe it. There was no way anyone could have seen this coming. I had played the 5/0 game, lost but still had my integrity and self esteem. Interestingly, my fiance, now my husband had played the 5/0 game too! Yes, we had both gone through college without either one of us having a girlfriend or boyfriend but we had the last laugh.

Ladies, do you think the clock is ticking loud and you still haven't found Mr. Right? Break that clock already, remove the batteries or something. Don't let the noise distract you from living a fulfilling life. Keep fear out, make friends and honor people around you even when they are not marriage prospects. Remember that your dream man is somewhere out there, he probably has lady friends too and you wouldn't want them dishonoring him. What's more, he could be a friend you already know but haven't taken time to really know just like me. Someone you've dismissed because they don't fit your bogus idea of Mr Right? What ever the case is, know that you are beautiful and desirable. Hold your head up in confidence, don't just say yes to a man so you can feel good about it. Say yes because you mean it. The 5/0 game is not as bad as it's been made out to be, after all I played, lost and still had the last laugh.

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