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Wheel of Life - Friends and Family

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The last in a series of articles describing The Wheel of Life used in wellness education and coaching, this article addressed our relationships with friends and family. Our level of satisfaction in this area is related to many unique issues and assessment can be complex. A few ideas for assessment and determining our levels of satisfaction are explored.

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Addressing the last area of The Wheel of Life, Friends and Family, is possibly the most complex. As we each assess our level of satisfaction in this area, we can benefit by taking some time to reflect upon our relationships. We may be very satisfied with the quality of our friendships but feel that family relationships drain our energy. The opposite may also be true.

This is another area of The Wheel of Life that generates lively discussion in a group. Participants in company wellness programs have shared varied perspectives regarding assessment of this area. For some, the quality of relationships is not a concern but the amount of time they have to spend with friends and family may be limited. For example, someone who is a caregiver for an ill relative may feel disconnected from friends. Parents of small children may also have this experience. Others may find that geographical distance gets in the way of keeping close ties with friends or family. Or, at times, schedules may not be compatible.

Another area frequently addressed when exploring this area, is identifying relationships that no longer meet our needs. Perhaps a long-term friendship has become an energy drain due to the expectations that have developed. For example, maybe a relationship has become very one-sided and one friend is too emotionally dependent upon the other. Often, clients in personal wellness coaching express a concern about ongoing family relationships that are negative. Clients with this concern may choose to explore limit-setting or assertiveness.

The most important thing to remember when exploring options for behavior change in this area is that we cannot change others; we can only change ourselves. Change in this area may involve modifying our expectations, determining what needs the relationship can realistic meet and identifying whether the relationship is a priority for us. Sometimes, we make a decision that we're ready to let go of a relationship or our expectations for the relationship and move on. Other times, we may decide that the relationship is worth continuing in a limited way. For example, if you're no longer experiencing emotional closeness with a friend or family member, you decide to maintain limited contact. You may actually reduce your stress level by no longer expecting that person to meet your emotional needs and making an effort to get those needs met in a closer, more trusting relationship.

Again, each of us is unique and the choices we make to generate greater satisfaction in this area of our lives will be unique as well. As with the other life areas addressed in this series of articles, there are no right or wrong choices. However, if you don't first determine what it is that you want, you're not going to achieve a level of satisfaction. The first step in any behavior change is awareness. With awareness, we have identified what we want and we can take the next step to deciding how we will achieve those wants.

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