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How to Communicate Better For a Dynamic Sex Life

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Skillful communication is an essential element of any intimate relationship especially one that fosters mutual growth. It requires knowledge and exploration, experimentation and practice, generosity and a healthy sense of humor, understanding, and most importantly, honesty.

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Sustaining an intimate and satisfying sexual relationship especially one that fosters mutual growth, requires knowledge and exploration, experimentation and practice, generosity and a healthy sense of humor, understanding, and most importantly, honest communication. Communication is vital in maintaining a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship and cannot be overemphasized as several researches have shown conclusively that skillful communication is an essential element of any intimate relationship.

Unfortunately, a lot of people enter into sexual relationships with the expectation that sex will naturally be of its own an integral part of the life of two people who love and desire each other. However according to Jean Koehler, Ph.D., marriage and family therapist and president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), "There is a natural calming down of sex with the same person after about six to 18 months - that's because in-love feelings at first cause euphoria from changes in brain chemicals".

However, with an initial understanding of the fact that all relationships take work to succeed, couples should be able to realize that the most important relationship in their lives would require the most work and commitment. The survival and vibrancy of your sexual relationship depend to a very large extent, on the amount of intimate and honest communication that radiate between you and your partner. As a result, couples who "never talk anymore" typically "never have sex anymore" either.

The role intimacy plays in maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship cannot be overlooked. According to Laura Berman Ph.D., author of Real Sex for Real Women, "Sex and intimacy are closely linked in our brains, but men and women respond differently to intimacy. Many men can't feel intimate with their partner unless their sex life is satisfying, but many women can't enjoy sex without intimacy. For men, sex feeds intimacy, and for women, intimacy feeds sex. These sexual differences can be disruptive to your relationship so it is important to nourish your sex life with intimacy."

Good sexual communication is therefore rooted in good intimate communication. Establishing a verbal intimacy by talking to each other about your emotions, opinions, ideas, hopes, and fears will make it easier to talk about sex. To help improve and foster an intimate sexual relationship between you and your partner, the following are some ways to keep the communication - and the sexual relationship - flowing.

Have more Direct Communication

Try and be more direct when you want change, clarification, reassurance, companionship, support or something else. You achieve nothing when you speak in generalities and expect your spouse to correctly fill in the blanks. Misunderstandings inevitably grow from unclear communication. State your case and reasoning clearly and concisely, and then actively listen to your partner's reply.

Listen Emphatically

In effective listening, we fully hear our partner's message, particularly the emotional component, and relay our understanding of the message in such a way that he/she feels accepted and understood. Emphatic listening requires us to listen on a deeper level, connect to the feelings of our partners, and communicate the connection.

Keep it Real

After two to three years, the body simply can't crank up the needed amount of those love-chemicals to get us into those sizzling highs we had at the onset of the relationship. We also need to come to terms with the fact that "early love is when you love the way the other makes you feel" as explained by psychiatrist, Mark Goulston of the University of California, Los Angeles. On the other hand, he continues, "Mature love is when you love the person as he or she is." This is the difference between passionate and compassionate love.

There definitely will come times when you don't just feel like it, or you don't even want to see your partner, and sex doesn't just feel great anymore. However, by setting realistic goals of not expecting sex to be mind-blowing every time, partners can effectively create an atmosphere in which, love will thrive.

Keep a Physical Connection

Nourish your intimacy levels by making sure that you keep a physical connection alive by touching, kissing, and creating opportunities for talking more often. These little bits will go a long way in enhancing your bond and intimacy. And even when you are not in the mood for sex, take some time every now and then to lie down and cuddle or have one of those light-hearted teasing conversations that has nothing to do with work or any domestic issue.

Ask for What You Want

Only you know what you want and what you need, never presume your partner knows because they are not mind readers. Also most people don't ask for what they want because they think they can't get it. If you want to make love standing up in the bathroom, go ahead and say so in form of a request rather than in a demanding way. Most times it is not the asking that is the problem but the way the message is often conveyed to our partners. You will be surprised to learn that you can get what you want by keeping your request simple and to the point while using the right tone of voice and body language.

Show your Partner What You Want to Receive

You can create good bedroom communication by using verbal and physical skills to help your partner understand what you need. Give your partner what you would like your partner to give you. If for instance, your spouse is kissing too aggressively for your liking, say "I love it when you kiss me softly and slowly" - then show him/her just what you mean. It is also arousing telling your partner what you like by giving him/her sexual cues as you let your body talk to him/her whenever something pleasing is being done to you.

Maintain the Excitement

Variety they say is the spice of life and nothing kills romance and great sex like routine and boredom. As your relationship ages, you need to put in some effort and use a little imagination to recreate the passion and romance of your early relationship. Don't be shy about initiating a little sexual magic to seduce your partner to your way of sexual thinking. Light some candles, set the mood with some great relaxing music, take a warm shower together, or get an aromatherapeutic massage with fragrances like jasmine, ylang ylang and rose to help stimulate your sex drives.

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